What’s Your Legacy Work?

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What comes to mind when someone says the word “legacy”? 

For many people, it’s probably material things, like clothes, jewelry, or even money. Or some people might think about kids or family. And that’s all true. But I think there’s a lot more to it than that. 

This has been on my mind ever since my best friend Nicole Feldman died in October 2025. She was 46 years old. 

Nicole fought various cancers for more than five years. She beat each one time and again. Even the doctors were stunned. Until she couldn’t anymore. She battled breast (2020), cervical (2022), pancreatic (2023), and finally metastasized pancreatic cancer to the abdominal wall (2024 – 2025). 

I was able to be there at the very end with her and her husband. She was hurting and struggling but we still managed to have fun in between. We captured some “cotton candy moments” that were so sweet and fleeted too quickly.

In the time since Nicole died, I’ve been reflecting on her legacy. What she left behind was how she made people feel. Those lessons are a bigger legacy than anyone could ever imagine. 

That’s what got me thinking about how we can all do “legacy work” right now. What are the ideas, feelings or sentiments you’ll leave behind? And what are you doing right now to build that positive legacy?

Nicole always taught me to take the trip. Make the call. Do the thing. And she’s right. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Now is the time to do your legacy work. 

Before Nicole died, I asked her how I would know she’s visiting me. She said she’ll come back as a butterfly. And wouldn’t you believe it…I see them everywhere! I know she’s with me. I feel her presence every day no matter where I am or what I’m doing. I still joke with her in my mind and smile when I see something she would have loved. The connection is still there in how I live my life every day – whether it’s how I pack my bag when I go on vacation (she was a master packer! And even wrote about it in my first book Listful Thinking,) or always reading the fortune in a fortune cookie. 

Nicole taught me so much about how to take advantage of every moment and spend it with the people you love. In honor of her, I want to share some of the wisdom Nicole lived by. 

Live large! Nicole planned tons of corporate events in Las Vegas and spent more time there than anywhere else. I used to call her “Mrs. Las Vegas”! There was a little bit of Vegas in everything she did. A special something to make it memorable. In 2024 she got us tickets to a concert at the Sphere and then surprised us with a helicopter ride INTO the Grand Canyon. It was on her bucket list. It was not on mine. I was terrified.  Then, there was prosecco waiting in the Grand Canyon somehow. Nicole always knew to play to her audience! 

Squeeze every moment out of life. She lived this way even before she knew she was dying. We traveled all over the world and she and I would create itineraries together. She’d always pack in just one more thing that I often tried to remove for timing or something. And in the end it was always a highlight. Like the time I got spit on by an alpaca!  That was not on my itinerary. 

You’ll never regret doing something nice. She always said this and meant it. When talking to her friends and family I heard so many stories about Nicole sending a gift for no reason at all. It sometimes came in the form of a pizza stone, heating pad or even laundry detergent that you just “had to try!” But whatever the gift, big or small, it came with lots of love. 

Encouragement is a superpower – become a mentor. I can still hear her encouraging me for every move in my career and life. “You got this! You can do it! You’ll be great!” Before she died, we asked anyone who wanted to share a video message for us to show her. We got lots of them and the common theme was thank you. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for showing me I could do it. Thank you for nurturing me. 

People will enter your life for a reason, a season or lifetime. Another Nicoleism. And so true. I remind myself of this all the time. There are people who will surprise you in your life for good and for bad that is for sure. But when you look at it in Nicole’s way it makes it much more impactful and sometimes less painful. 

People often think of legacy as being something tangible — a big goal to work towards. But legacy is often the little things that remain after we’re gone. Legacy work begins now, in the way we live day to day and how we treat the people around us.

I invite you to think about your legacy this way. What are you doing now that will continue to have a positive impact far into the future?

I’d like to leave you with a poem I wrote while I was with Nicole in her last few weeks. I don’t think I’ve ever written a poem before this! Maybe for a class project or something but it’s not my usual thing. I shared it with her and I felt compelled to do it and to remember everything about her. 

Live Forever

In every marg I mix

Rosé I sip

Charcuterie board I eat

 

Rick Steves episode I watch

Plane surface I wipe

Eminem song I hear

 

Wrinkle I iron (in a panic)

Packing cube I fill

True crime I solve

 

Fitted sheet I fold

Dirty Dancing move I make

Eataly I visit

 

Trip I plan

Goat I try to hug

Perfect avocado I open

 

Cotton candy moment I savor

Butterfly I admire

And pair of little old ladies I see

 

I know you’re here with me

Always.

 

For Nicole — with love, Paula

September 27, 2025

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Savor Cotton Candy Moments

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“There were no words left, we’d said them all.” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & The City 

This line is iconic if you’re a fan of the show. You’ll remember it well as the time that Carrie and Mr. Big broke up for what we all thought was the last time. It was painful and powerful. It’s when she realized their relationship was really over. 

Now I look at these words with new meaning. 

Sadly, on October 16, 2025 at 3:21pm ET my dear best friend and soul sister, Nicole Feldman died. 

Nothing went unsaid between us. 

Nicole fought various cancers for more than five years. She beat each one time and again. Even the doctors were stunned. Until she couldn’t anymore. She battled breast (2020), cervical (2022), pancreatic (2023), and finally metastasized pancreatic cancer to the abdominal wall (2024 – 2025).

Nicole and I went to college together, lost touch for nine years and randomly ran into each other when Eataly in NYC opened! What a wonderful moment! We’ve been super close ever since – and luckily our husbands get along and love the same music so we’ve traveled all over the world together.  

This picture is from Sorrento in October 1, 2024 – nearly one year to the day before Nicole died. We visited the Amalfi coast together in 2013 and vowed to return because we went in March, which is not the best time because of the weather! We got there 11 years later. We’re wearing matching earrings. The earrings I had picked for “Nicole’s Virtual Hug Club.” It’s a group I put together when she was going through her third round of chemo to support her. It was a WhatsApp group with special women in her life who all wore the same earrings to bring her luck and healing with each chemo treatment. 

I’m fortunate that I went to LA to spend time with her and her husband Peter weeks before she had to leave us. She was hurting and struggling but we still managed to have fun in between. We captured some “cotton candy moments” that were so sweet and fleeted too quickly.

I told her we are in the “Cotton Candy Time.” 

Just like cotton candy, we grabbed the sweet pieces when we could and we savored them because they melted away quickly. It helped us to stay in the moment and enjoy each other during what we knew would be our final times together.

This trip to LA was difficult but also rewarding. Her body was shutting down right in front of us and we refused to admit defeat. But we both knew. I asked her questions about her life and what she wanted to happen after she died. It was a gift that we are both planners and could really rifle through a checklist together. 

I got to be helpful to her and her husband at a time when nothing makes sense. I made lists and helped to organize her medications. With the help of my dear friend Sharon, who is a functional medicine health coach, we reworked Nicole’s eating schedule and foods she could digest more easily. 

Nicole and I turned it into a game. She has always been a foodie and a fan of any show about high-end cuisine like The Bear. We used all the industry terms for her meals like “amuse bouche” for her snacks, and “hands” when the food was ready to be served. 

There were times when she was too sleepy to talk and others when she was directing me how to fold a fitted sheet while laying in bed! She even showed me how to do a proper plie squat! She was a ballerina once. 

We watched her favorite daytime television show, The Price Is Right! She got to be a contestant on the show twice and was a very enthusiastic contestant! She never made it to the Plinko game though, which would have been amazing. 

We watched The Kelly Clarkson Show and Alanis Morrisette was the guest. We’ve always loved her. I got us tickets to see her a few summers ago and Nicole couldn’t go because of a work thing. I was always sad we didn’t get to see her together. But this was better – it was a private concert just for us with our favorite songs.  

We even got to watch Dirty Dancing, one of our all time favorite movies, one more time together. We danced (in bed) and sang too. And laughed. We laughed so much. So with all the sadness there was also sweetness. But it faded and went fast. 

I hope the cotton candy image sticks with you and you remember to savor the good wherever you are. Take the trip. Make the call. Do the thing. This is what Nicole would always say. And she’s right. You never know what tomorrow will bring. 

Before she died, I asked her how I would know she’s visiting me. She said she’ll come back as a butterfly. And wouldn’t you believe it…I have been seeing them everywhere! I know she’s with me and I savor the cotton candy moments we still share. 

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Solo Adventures Are the New Social Trend

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I’ve taken a purposeful step back from social media. I still share there, of course. It’s hard to be an entrepreneur and author without having a footprint to show for your efforts and to remind people you exist. I realize that to build a brand people need to know, like and trust you. I get it. I teach it. But I also want to invite you to join me in thinking about what we can gain by being more attentive to a slower, quieter way of living. 

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