kindness | List Producer

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What comes to mind when someone says the word “legacy”?

For many people, it’s probably material things, like clothes, jewelry, or even money. Or some people might think about kids or family. And that’s all true. But I think there’s a lot more to it than that.

This has been on my mind ever since my best friend Nicole Feldman died in October 2025. She was 46 years old.

Nicole fought various cancers for more than five years. She beat each one time and again. Even the doctors were stunned. Until she couldn’t anymore. She battled breast (2020), cervical (2022), pancreatic (2023), and finally metastasized pancreatic cancer to the abdominal wall (2024 – 2025).

I was able to be there at the very end with her and her husband. She was hurting and struggling but we still managed to have fun in between. We captured some “cotton candy moments” that were so sweet and fleeted too quickly.

In the time since Nicole died, I’ve been reflecting on her legacy. What she left behind was how she made people feel. Those lessons are a bigger legacy than anyone could ever imagine.

That’s what got me thinking about how we can all do “legacy work” right now. What are the ideas, feelings or sentiments you’ll leave behind? And what are you doing right now to build that positive legacy?

Nicole always taught me to take the trip. Make the call. Do the thing. And she’s right. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Now is the time to do your legacy work.

Before Nicole died, I asked her how I would know she’s visiting me. She said she’ll come back as a butterfly. And wouldn’t you believe it…I see them everywhere! I know she’s with me. I feel her presence every day no matter where I am or what I’m doing. I still joke with her in my mind and smile when I see something she would have loved. The connection is still there in how I live my life every day – whether it’s how I pack my bag when I go on vacation (she was a master packer! And even wrote about it in my first book Listful Thinking,) or always reading the fortune in a fortune cookie.

Nicole taught me so much about how to take advantage of every moment and spend it with the people you love. In honor of her, I want to share some of the wisdom Nicole lived by.

Live large! Nicole planned tons of corporate events in Las Vegas and spent more time there than anywhere else. I used to call her “Mrs. Las Vegas”! There was a little bit of Vegas in everything she did. A special something to make it memorable. In 2024 she got us tickets to a concert at the Sphere and then surprised us with a helicopter ride INTO the Grand Canyon. It was on her bucket list. It was not on mine. I was terrified. Then, there was prosecco waiting in the Grand Canyon somehow. Nicole always knew to play to her audience!

Squeeze every moment out of life. She lived this way even before she knew she was dying. We traveled all over the world and she and I would create itineraries together. She’d always pack in just one more thing that I often tried to remove for timing or something. And in the end it was always a highlight. Like the time I got spit on by an alpaca! That was not on my itinerary.

You’ll never regret doing something nice. She always said this and meant it. When talking to her friends and family I heard so many stories about Nicole sending a gift for no reason at all. It sometimes came in the form of a pizza stone, heating pad or even laundry detergent that you just “had to try!” But whatever the gift, big or small, it came with lots of love.

Encouragement is a superpower – become a mentor. I can still hear her encouraging me for every move in my career and life. “You got this! You can do it! You’ll be great!” Before she died, we asked anyone who wanted to share a video message for us to show her. We got lots of them and the common theme was thank you. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for showing me I could do it. Thank you for nurturing me.

People will enter your life for a reason, a season or lifetime. Another Nicoleism. And so true. I remind myself of this all the time. There are people who will surprise you in your life for good and for bad that is for sure. But when you look at it in Nicole’s way it makes it much more impactful and sometimes less painful.

People often think of legacy as being something tangible — a big goal to work towards. But legacy is often the little things that remain after we’re gone. Legacy work begins now, in the way we live day to day and how we treat the people around us.

I invite you to think about your legacy this way. What are you doing now that will continue to have a positive impact far into the future?

I’d like to leave you with a poem I wrote while I was with Nicole in her last few weeks. I don’t think I’ve ever written a poem before this! Maybe for a class project or something but it’s not my usual thing. I shared it with her and I felt compelled to do it and to remember everything about her.

Live Forever

In every marg I mix

Rosé I sip

Charcuterie board I eat

Rick Steves episode I watch

Plane surface I wipe

Eminem song I hear

Wrinkle I iron (in a panic)

Packing cube I fill

True crime I solve

Fitted sheet I fold

Dirty Dancing move I make

Eataly I visit

Trip I plan

Goat I try to hug

Perfect avocado I open

Cotton candy moment I savor

Butterfly I admire

And pair of little old ladies I see

I know you’re here with me

Always.

For Nicole — with love, Paula

September 27, 2025

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Doing acts of service can feel like a big challenge – just one more thing to add to your already long to-do list.

But what if making time to be of service to yourself and your community could actually make you happier and more productive?

My friend Kate Hanley is all about the idea that being generous and making small changes in your life pays off.

Kate is the author of a book called, “How to Be a Better Person” and she also hosts a daily podcast of the same name.

She’s an expert on how to make small but meaningful changes in your life that will have a big impact.

You can check out our full conversation here.

Here are some highlights from the conversation::

Make it seasonal.

When you’re trying to come up with plans for doing service or helping your community, take the season into consideration. For example, one of Kate’s goals is to start a compost bin. Leaves are really important for composting, so fall is a great time to start helping the environment in this small but important way.

Let people know you care.

Kate loves sending thank you notes, because it’s a small gesture that can make someone’s day. Sending a note will remind you to slow down and give thanks to the people in your life, whether it’s your child’s teacher or a new client. I can’t agree enough with this – I still send paper thank you notes whenever possible!

Think local.

Being a better person doesn’t mean you have to save the whole world! Instead, look in your community for ways to give back and make a difference. Drop off some canned goods at a food drive or attend a pasta dinner fundraiser. These acts of service will help you feel more connected to your community.

People often talk about self care in terms of things you done alone or for yourself, like setting aside time to read a book or learning how to say “no.”

But like Kate says, self care also means being mindful of yourself in relation to the people around you, whether that’s your family, co-workers, or neighbors.

When you feel good about your place in your community, you put yourself in the best position to be happy, healthy, and productive.

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