No matter how confident I am — there are moments when I feel not good enough. It happens to all of us. We can’t all walk around feeling super confident all the time – although that would be nice!
Ironically this attitude can often stop us from performing at our best and send us in to self-sabotage mode.
So how do you get over these feelings?
It’s hard work in the end. Once you’re aware of it you can start to make changes. Here are some of the ways we hold ourselves back, and how to fix it:
Sell yourself short – When we are put on the spot, our instincts can be to downplay our abilities or achievements. We worry that we’re bragging or that people think we’re overestimating ourselves. The truth is, we tend to expect a certain level of exaggeration when people describe their accomplishments. So if you say you’re ‘kinda okay’ at something you might as well have said you’re awful at it! Don’t do that.
FIX: No need to go overboard. Just be upfront and honest about yourself. People will appreciate your sincerity and as my mother always says, “just put it out there, you never know who will be listening.”
Never take a break – It’s amazing how unnecessarily we push ourselves. Always running to the next appointment or saying yes to events we know we should skip for time and sanity’s sake. In the end, your mood and your productivity suffer when you run yourself ragged. Resentment builds up, your energy plummets, and then maybe you even beat up on yourself for not setting healthy boundaries.
FIX: Before you push yourself to do something, think about how you would treat a friend in that situation. If you would advise them against it, then don’t do it to yourself!
Talk yourself out of it – Even when we have dreamed of doing something for a long time, when we are finally ready to make our dreams a reality, our brain starts coming up with all these roadblocks. I’ve met people who have always wanted to travel – but they can’t in the end….because of their cat. Or people who want to start their own business, but not until they’ve paid off the mortgage.
FIX: The main reason we come up with the excuses is because we don’t want to admit the truth – we’re scared. And that’s okay. Once you’ve accepted that, make a plan to get around all the problems your brain can throw at you. And just find a sitter for your cat — he’ll be fine without you!
Lack motivation – You have all these wonderful dreams and ideas, but you never actually do anything about them. Everyone around us seems to be achieving their goals, so why can’t you? When we only see a glimpse into other people’s lives, we can think that success has come very easily to them. But if you were to see the day to day you would see how much hard work and dedication it takes.
FIX: To get started try setting aside some time each day to work at your goal. Treat this time like a doctor’s appointment, you can’t just cancel it!
Reluctant to learn – When we were younger we understood that learning took time. You weren’t going to master long division in just one day. But now that we’re older we expect this process to be much faster. Often we get frustrated if we haven’t picked something up the first few tries.
FIX: Rather than rushing into learning a new skill, take it slow, and embrace each stage of the process. Or use a few hacks that can help you pick something up sooner.
In what ways do you hold yourself back?