Checklist to Stop Being a People Pleaser

peopleI like making people happy.

I like giving people good news and helping them when they’re stuck with something.

The problem is, you can’t please everyone and sometimes being a people pleaser has negative side effects.

When you’re always trying to please you can feel like your just saying yes automatically. Helping your friends starts to feel like a burden. And then you can get resentful, eeek!

Here’s a checklist to help you control your people pleasing ways and take back your time:

1. Remember you don’t have to do it – When someone asks for something, before you say yes, stop and take a moment to think, “Do I actually want to do this?” Don’t say yes to invitations you know you’ll regret later.


2. The world won’t end if you say no – Try it. The next request you get — just say no. You’ll quickly notice that everything isn’t falling down around you. A no is not the end of a friendship. If you can’t do something, or if you don’t want to – the majority of people will understand.  If they don’t then maybe that’s a friendship to reevaluate.

3. Make yourself the priority – It’s fine to help people if you have the time. But don’t push important things off your to do list to accommodate someone else.  Also think about the projects and priorities you have cooking – can you put them on the back burner? Keep appointments you’ve made with yourself to get things done.  You’ll be happy you did.

4. Set limits – If you offer to help a friend move, set a time limit and stick to it. For example, tell them you can help between 2pm and 3pm. This way you’re not compromising your whole day and you still get to be a good friend.

5. Don’t make excuses – You don’t have to justify your actions to others. If you can’t do it, you can’t do it.  Just say that and say it as quickly as possible so the person can move on and make other plans.

Are you a people pleaser? What are some of your tactics for saying no?

1 reply
  1. Patrick
    Patrick says:

    Paula,

    Great thoughts. I also wrote about saying no in a blogpost of mine and i think one of the ways you can make the ‘No’ less painful for all parties involved is by a) offering value, and b) offering something that seems to be a next step that allows him or her to basically move on, rather than cling to this negative impulse they received. If you get very skilled at this, people might actually appreciate that you’ve given them the ‘No’ rather early in the process or in a particularly straightforward manner and did not waste their time.

    Reply

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